I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
