from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
