He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
