I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
