i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
