enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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