I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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