Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
