someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i would one night stand the shit outta him
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
