I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
