There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
