A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
