shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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