so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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