Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i think i just lost a toe
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
