Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
