I just threw up on my dentist
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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