my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
