ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
