She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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