it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
