apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I am available for nakedness
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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