how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
