Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
