We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
