you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Church boner. Awkwardddd
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
