I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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