this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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