Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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