I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
