I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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