shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
