So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I need a beard to bite.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
