he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
