And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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