Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
