I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
