so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
