Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
