I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
