I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
