She's JV to your varsity
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
