Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize