If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize