There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
