Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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