well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
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