Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
