never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
