Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
In America we eat man semen.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
