I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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