Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize