I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
