Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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