I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
