he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
