Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
