Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
