I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Houston, we have a squirter
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
