the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
