Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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