he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
my being single is dangerous.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
