vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
