so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
