dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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