trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
