She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
